2: Easy on the Baggage, Luv
by The 4 Marauders
Summary: A second episode in our series of madcap nonsense stories. This episode stars: Lilo of 'Lilo and Stitch' trying her hand at directing, two teen heartthrobs, many fainting females, and one big mess. [Warning: Silliness ahead]


**Disclaimer: **Pretty much anything that you recognize sin't ours. We do own the song "Not gonna be your leverage", and the idea that Lilo directs remakes and other bad films.

**Additional Marauders 4 Disclaimer:** WARNING! The following contains complete and utter silliness and NONSENSE! If this is NOT your thing/style/preference, BACK AWAY slowly!!

**A/n:** Well, we're back with another Nonsense submission. "Episode 1" includes our big long description of how we go about coming up with these. In case you (for some reason!) haven't read our Episode 1, then allow me to summarize. We are the Marauders 4 (penname is 4 Marauders b/c Marauders 4 was already taken), Padfoot, Evans, Moony, Prongs and Wormtail. I, Padfoot, do the majority of the typing and submitting. Wormtail is still a bit too young to care about fanfiction though she has joined us on some stories before. Basically these stories are written by all four of us, and have our initials after each section we wrote so you know who wrote what. So _(Pd)_ is Padfoot, _(E)_ is Evans, _(M) _is Moony, _(Pr)_ is Prongs, and when she shows up, _(W)_ is Wormtail. Most of these we wrote ages ago, and each involves a whole lot of nonsense. **You have been warned**. Twice.

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**Nonsense Stories**

**Episode 2 – Easy on the Baggage, Luv**

Jack Sparrow stood with chains from his wrist wrapped over Miss Elisabeth Swann's lovely neck. "Commodore, my possessions if you please."

Commodore Norrington roughly threw the things at Elisabeth.

"Miss Swann, if you'd be so kind." Jack said.

Elisabeth turned around so that the chains of Jack's shackles were now laying on the back of her neck. She shoved his hat down and then roughly tightened Jack's belt around his waist.

"Easy on the baggage, luv." He smirked.

Elisabeth looked up and before she could say her line (silently noting that Jack's line was different now than it had been before) which was, if anyone cares, "You're despicable", she burst out laughing.

Johnny Depp (Jack Sparrow) whined in annoyance, "For crying out loud, Keira! This is the 17th take!" _(E)_

"I know, I know! Sorry, but I just keep thinking of the d-double meaning. It's so… gross. And funny!" she said and laughed more.

"Well, Keira – er, Elisabeth, they say I'm 'Quick of wit and quicker with a sword' – I think I should lend you some of that quickness of wit so you can improvise there." Orlando Bloom, or as he will be known is this episode, Will Turner said as he walked onto the set. All the women crew sighed, melted and fainted.

"CUT!!!!" Lilo (yes, Lilo- the vertically challenged, loud-mouthed star of "Lilo and Stitch" who has been **very** unsuccessfully trying her hand at directing tons of movies) screamed. Yes, once again she's back in the director's chair, even after the tenth consecutive flop at the box office. This time, she's attempting a spoof/remake of "Pirates of the Caribbean". _(M)_

"Let's get it goin' again, here people!" Lilo screeched into the megaphone she didn't need. The crew scurried to revive the fainted females off camera. "Cue the pirates!"

So the cursed pirates began to tromp onstage, holding swords, knives, ladders, peanut butter sandwiches, and all other types of weaponry made of wood.

Commodore Norrington overlooked the scene grimly with severe scrutiny.

"I expected it to all be made of wood." He drawled, in a stunning impression of his actual line and Lucius Malfoy, who is making no appearance in this story.

"Not now!" Lilo hollered. "Commodore, you're _LATER!_"

The Commodore stiffened, insulted. "Fine."

"NEXT SCENE!" Lilo raged.

Aladdin, star of Disney's "Aladdin", hurried on stage with his plastic sword extended, saying loudly, "Aye, avast!"

The unseen crowd burst out laughing, including most of the crew, and above all and especially Keira – er, Elisabeth.

But not Lilo.

No, Lilo turned to the crowd, her eyes flaming, fists clenching and body shaking. That's when she began ranting so loudly and crashing everything around that could be crashed around. In fact, she was so loud that people in Utah could hear her, which was quite a feat considering she was not within one hundred miles of Utah.

In the end, there was seven million dollars damage to the studio, twelve injured and more than twenty-six deaf.

Thankfully, Elisabeth, Will, Jack, Aladdin and the pirates made it through the massacre (mostly) unscathed.

Lilo sighed and settled into her director's chair. "ANYways. Sorry about that." She cleared her throat. "I guess the lesson from that is that no one laughs unless it is a funny part and it is not a funny part unless I _say_ it is. Ka-peesh?"

The translators quickly signed everything Lilo was saying to the deaf crew.

"As it has been made clear, that part was not funny. Ready to move on?"

Everyone nodded vigorously and went on with the show. _(Pd)_

Mario and Luigi, the Super Mario Bros., moved onto the stage next. "We're stayin' right here 'till all this is cleaned up." Mario said, gesturing to the excessive mess left by Lilo's wrath. "We can handle the plumbin'."

Yoda came in the back door. "Come on, move tail feathers of yours, yes, hmm."

Everyone stared. Lilo yelled. Again.

"This is GREAT! Now we have a representative from George Lucas himself! WHAT a director. I SURE could use some tips!" And with that came her secret. Her "idol" was George Lucas.

"I can help you there, miss. I once acted for him. What a wonderful guy." Hayden stated as he walked smoothly onto the set.

Keira fainted.

Orlando thought he thought, "Darn! Now I'm not the only teen heart-throb on the set!"

Hayden winked, and Orlando realized he'd spoken aloud. "You better believe it, boy."

Jar-Jar Binks then ran out and shouted, "Am I a teen heart-throb too!?" _(Pr)_

"'Cause when you're a Celebrity, it's adios reality!" Brad Paisley came across the stage singing his hit single, "Celebrity".

"GREAT!" Lilo hollered. "JUST WHAT I NEED! A COUNTRY SINGER WHO THINKS HE OWNS THE PLACE! THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO BE AN _ABONINATION_! Just like the rest." Lilo abruptly quit yelling and suddenly was very, very quiet.

"Lilo?" Hayden crouched down to the short, stout little girl's height.

Lilo was wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"It's ok. We understand." Orlando consoled (several female staff fainted just from hearing him speak).

From that on, Lilo tried to make her movie the best it could be, and sad to say, it STILL flopped at the Box Office, making a grand total of 6 dollars, which was the cost of one ticket to see the movie, and which one guy bought because he thought he was going in to see a different movie.

And to this day, Lilo can still hear the impeccable voice of Johnny saying, "But Why Is The Rum Gone?"

…

…

"I said no lies." _(E)_

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**A/n: **Can't say I didn't warn you. :P So, review us. We adore any and all feedback, including criticism. Except people who are downright mean, we don't completely appreciate those kind of reviews. More soon, as we have many, many more crazy stories...


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